i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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