I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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