so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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