Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize