I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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