I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
