Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize