They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
