Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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