I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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