He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
