Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
