this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
