Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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