Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
