We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
