Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
