I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED