Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?

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(717): so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong? http://tfl.nu/4brz

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(954): View more from Florida

My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.

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(954): My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet. http://tfl.nu/5qcs

Replies (48) Good night (959) Bad night (2725) Order T-Shirt
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(778): View more from British Columbia

Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.

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(778): Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them. http://tfl.nu/fuhs

Replies (15) Good night (4568) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.

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(612): I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good. http://tfl.nu/ra59

Replies (91) Good night (5917) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting

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(405): Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting http://tfl.nu/elrq

Replies (9) Good night (3370) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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(305): View more from Florida

Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news

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(305): Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news http://tfl.nu/t3j8

Replies (46) Good night (533) Bad night (5838) Order T-Shirt
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"

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(774): all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you" http://tfl.nu/p8m9

Replies (19) Good night (1861) Bad night (5598) Order T-Shirt
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

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(832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld

Replies (33) Good night (11344) Bad night (2896) Order T-Shirt
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(310): View more from California

I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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(310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s

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(718): View more from New York

He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.

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(718): He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race. http://tfl.nu/hbzv

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(630): View more from Illinois

Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.

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(630): Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze. http://tfl.nu/d5vp

Replies (113) Good night (1320) Bad night (24731)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.

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(403): Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it. http://tfl.nu/6k4w

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(636): View more from Missouri

the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"

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(636): the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking" http://tfl.nu/px7k

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(530): View more from California

My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed

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(530): My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed http://tfl.nu/lqy8

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(201): View more from New Jersey

This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard

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(201): This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard http://tfl.nu/udfw

Replies (2) Good night (597) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt

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