She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.