I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
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We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit