Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.