i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
