not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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