You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize