nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
