i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
