Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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