remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
