if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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