I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
