does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
