I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
