Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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