The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
