id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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