My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
