The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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