In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
