I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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