Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
