Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your cock deserves a montage
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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