Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
