Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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