I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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