Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
