you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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