Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Randomize
