I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
PANTIES FOUND
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