when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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