SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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