Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
