it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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