as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize