Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
