im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
