So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
