i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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