I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
