Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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