I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
