The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
