I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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