Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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