I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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