i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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