The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
