im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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