i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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